


Being Wrong

by Bolontiku



Series: Being Wrong [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cheating, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Mild Smut, Reader-Insert, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:37:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22443994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bolontiku/pseuds/Bolontiku
Summary: Being with him was wrong, he has someone waiting for him. Bucky made being wrong, feel so good.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Dolores | Dot (Captain America movies), James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Series: Being Wrong [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646764
Comments: 49
Kudos: 151





	1. Chapter 1

"No, no listen. Listen… it's just that, it's hard to deal with Dot sometimes. She's…" Bucky sighed as he stared up at the ceiling. "She's always on my case, always questioning me, there's times it's so damned hard to breathe! I just need to get out of there!"

You watched as he thrust his hands through his hair, pressing your lips together. You'd met Bucky through a mutual friend. Of course you'd seen him around, working down in the underground of the compound meant that you just weren't seen, not that they weren't seen. 

The Avengers were superheroes after all.

Still, it was by complete weird juju that the world had decided to that your friend Frances would introduce you two. There had been texts and you found yourself friends with an Avenger and not just any Avenger, but the one that a whole ass government had been overthrown and exposed for. It wasn’t surprising when you looked into his blue eyes, you too would kill someone for James Bucky Barnes.

“Did I tell you?” he asked, bringing you out of your musing, looking over at you. 

“What exactly? Did Dot ask you to marry her?”

Bucky scrunched his face up, “it’s not like that. I mean, we are practically married as it is, but… she wants ta have a kid. She wants to get pregnant…” You shifted, he shifted, turning more towards you, “what do ya think about that? Me being a dad?”

You grinned, keeping your gaze from him, “you already know how I feel about that.”

Bucy grinned, reached over and carefully brushed your hair back, tucking it behind your ear. “I wanna hear ya say it Y/N.”

“Why?”

“It’d make me feel better.”

You huffed, hands twisting the fabric of your tank, “you’d make a great dad. I think having a kid is the absolute best thing in the world, I mean, if your doing it right and not just abandoning it.”

“It. It’d be a kid. A little human," he looked thoughtful.

Your gut twisted, “I would love the opportunity to have one, but I’m broken. Bucky Barnes, will you have a kid and give it to me?”

He snorted, eyes screwing shut as he burst into laughter, you felt your breath leave you as you stared, he was truly beautiful. “Pretty sure Dot would have my head if I just up and went giving her kid away,” he said calming down, his hand falling on your hip warm and firm, drawing circles with the tips of his fingers.

You wondered if he did it with Dot? Did he draw invisible patterns on her skin? Or would she fuss and shove his hand away?

“She could have more, tell her I saved your life and you owe me. I will only accept your first born or your own self in servitude for the rest of your life.”

“Is that how it works?” he asked propping himself up to look at you. You nodded, “doll, pretty sure ya got your facts all twisted up.”

“Well, if I do it is your fault, keeping me up till… holy fuck Bucky! It’s three am!!” He nodded, staring at you. You wanted him to stay, he had come over around midnight, but you knew if he stayed longer Dot would ask questions. “I have a strict three am rule so- ya need to get out.”

He raised his eyebrows at you, smile nearly cracking his face. “Strict? How strict?” he asked moving closer.

You shoved your knee against his hip and sent him flying. Peals of laughter escaping you, the expression of surprise and shock more than enough to make your sides hurt as he peeked at you over the edge of your bed.

“Why are you so mean to me?” he asked, while managing to get to his feet, that adorable pout on his lips.

“Cause I don’t owe you shit, now go on and get out of here!” you huffed, pulling the covers over your bare legs, you had pulled on his boxers. Was it bad to want to keep them? Wasn't it bad enough there was this?

Bucky smirked, crawling back onto the bed beside you as you leaned away from him. “C’mon Y/N, I can stay...”

You shoved a hand into his face, “no you most certainly cannot sir. You need to go home to your number one girl.”

His smile slipped away as he caught your hand in his larger ones, eyes narrowing as he pressed his lips to the center of your palm. “Dontcha want me to stay doll?”

“Mr. Barnes, you have no right to call me that. You have a woman who lives with you at the compound who is currently sitting up and wondering exactly where you are at. This is why she questions you, why you complain to me about being harassed by her!” you ended it with a jerk of your palm as you felt his warm tongue slip across your palm.

“What if I like it here?”

“Tough.” 

Being the other meant that he couldn’t stay.

He could tell you what he couldn’t tell her. He could touch you in ways he wouldn’t touch her. Kiss you in a way that made you pant. 

Being the other was exhilarating. 

You were just giving him what he needed, what you needed. Just passing the time. It wasn’t anything more. It was only physical. If he asked for advice you’d give it. Buy her a pretty dress, make sure to talk to her about that, pay more attention to her. 

Sometimes you just sat and talked while drinking a few beers as the game played on your TV. Sometimes you beat him at COD, sometimes you both cooked, sometimes you went straight to your bedroom, neither of you talking.

Being the other was wrong.

He slid further into your bed, reaching under the safety of your cover and pulling his boxers off you before tugging on your legs till he had you sitting in his lap, hands on your hips, rolling his into yours. “What if I told you I liked it here very much? Your bed is so warm everytime I come over.” 

“You say that all the time,” you gripped his thick shoulders in hand, a little gasp leaving you as he tugged you down onto his hardening member, pressing up against your core. It was always like this, the serum meant he was ready to go at the drop of a hat or your whimper.

“Your sheets are softer, you smell so good,” he hummed, lips pressing to your bare shoulder, traveling along the curve of your neck. “I like it here better,” he repeated.

He wasn’t lying, of course, it wasn’t what he had wanted. 

Not like this. Dot made it impossible. Drove him out of his head, still he needed her, needed to go home to her. People would ask questions, she had been there when he had come back with Stevie. She had taken care of him.

Still, this had started. This was a thing between the two of you. You were his, you he didn’t share. He’d driven over for beers one night, Steve had met the two of you at your place. Though when Sharon called he’d been quick to disappear. Whatever, it wasn’t like the two of you hadn’t spent time alone. It wouldn’t be any different.

Still, after a few drinks you’d both...fallen into it. It wasn’t like either of you had made a conscious decision. He had stood there, by your kitchen table as you leaned against your counter, looking so relaxed, always so cool. He had been complaining about his shoulder, watching as your shirt rode up just a tad, enough to expose a small bit of your tummy and you’d asked if it hurt? 

Blue eyes had snapped back up to meet your gaze, you asked again, ‘ _ does it hurt? _ ’ your brows drawing together as you snickered at his confused gaze.

‘ _ All the time _ ,’ he’d answered.

_ ‘Can I touch?’ _ he’d nodded, blue eyes intense as you moved closer setting your beer down, hands feathering over the cool metal. The kiss had been unexpected, Bucky had moved in, lips crashing against yours, tongue and teeth clashing as you reached up, fingers disappearing into his hair. Moaning into him as his flesh hand tangled into your hair, pulling and tugging, making you gasp.

_ It was wrong. _

He pressed you against the counter, both of you reaching, wanting,  _ needing _ , tearing at the others clothes. He’d turned you around and bent you over the counter, thrust in fast and desperate. Your name falling from his lips with each thrust made you dizzy. The heat from his lips on your skin urging you to press back into him, taking all of him. He was wide and long, you knew it would leave you sore.

_ This was wrong. _

Which is why it made it so much better. 

It was one time. One night. You made sure he went home that night. 

He wasn’t supposed to come back, it wasn’t supposed to happen again. He’d been complaining about the pain in his shoulders. You’d offered to work them. 

_ It wasn’t supposed to happen again. _

Yet, here you were.

Months later.

A little gasp left you as he pressed up into you, his mouth finding yours, strong hands gripping your hips a little harder, guiding your hips down as he swallowed your moans. Bucky was like that, it felt like he swallowed all of you.

_ This was wrong. _

Wrong.. Wrong… the room filled with your pants, his small grunts, both of your breaths heavy, you pressed your forehead to his, riding him slowly, pace quickening as he grinned at you, small praises leaving his lips, those sinful lips. Fire burning throughout you as he thrust up, scattering your thoughts, making you cry out, nails digging into the flesh of his shoulders. You cried out as he bounced you in his lap, one arm wrapping around his strong broad shoulders, hand splayed between his shoulder blades.

“Fuck, Y/N!” he groaned, fingers bruising the back of your legs, your thighs, your waist. 

Bucky knew he shouldn’t be here, he should leave you alone, stop seeing you, stop calling, texting, but he couldn’t. It was harder and harder to stay away from you. When he wasn’t here, he thought of you. When Dot kissed him, he thought of your lips. When she touched him, it was your fingers he felt brushing over his skin. When she panted under him, it was your face he saw, your voice he wanted to whisper his name.

You didn’t flinch away from his arm, he was able to talk to you about everything and anything and he did, after. Always after. After he kissed you, after he touched you, after he buried himself in you. Lost himself in your scent, in your moans, in your taste and touch. 

He couldn’t leave until he knew he’d satisfied you, until he'd made you scream his name, until he'd spent himself deep inside you, until he’d had enough to tide him over just a little longer.

After all, he had to go back to Dot.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When being wrong goes… Wrong. Finding yourself in warm arms isn’t so bad. Not when you both know what you’re getting into… Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT, SEX, the sex happens. no under 18 thank you

Bucky frowned, he hadn't been able to make time for you since he had last seen you. Deep blue eyes slid closed, the small hand slipping across his chest became yours, he could just imagine her lips pressing against the side of his neck were yours. 

He missed your scent, the feel of your body, he pressed Dot back, slipping between her legs, lips slanting over hers muffling her squeal of delight as he drove into her, catching the back of her knees pulling her up into every thrust.

He missed you. Missed your moans, the way your teeth bit into your bottom lip, the way your fingers twisted in the sheets as he fucked you.

Dot cried out, orgasm making her boneless under him and Bucky came buried deep inside her thinking of your voice crying out his name.

**

Steve thanked you for the beer you handed him, blue eyes tracking you as you moved back into the kitchen. Bucky had asked him to check on his other best friend, Dot had been completely up his ass about proving he wasn't cheating, spending every moment he had alone with him.

Steve came early, you had already been drinking. He noticed the way you wavered, taking in a deep breath every so often as if to collect yourself and keep your game face on. 

He liked you. 

The stubborn streak you had in you, the way a dimple appeared when you smiled. You sassed him about making sure he was eating and sleeping, poking him in the side every so often. Hand fluttering to your hair, which kept coming loose, you were cute, he thought.

He had kept a distance, feeling there was possibly more between you and Bucky but nothing had come of it. He hadn't been sure Buck was ready to leave Dot, he would have supported him though.

Though at the moment your smile was forced, your mind preoccupied and talk was a bit tough. He watched you toy with a few of the piercings that ran along the length of your earlobe. It was very much a part of your personality, like the small tattoo at your ankle.

He liked it.

He liked you. 

You wore a large college tee, your hair up in a messy bun, strands falling around your face as you came back, your own beer already half drained. He smiled as you sat next to him, legs crossing as you did so, those shorts not really hiding anything, barely enough to cover you. 

Steve forced his eyes away. 

"So, tell me what happened between you and Sharon?" You asked grabbing the remote from his hand and flipping through the channels. You had started chatting in the backyard and gradually moved inside, turning the TV to keep it from being silent as your mind wandered.

Steve sighed, taking a drag from his bottle, "I'd rather hear 'bout this guy that has you all soured." He saw you tense, you didn't look at him, "Bucky know bout him?"

"God NO! Why would Bucky know?" You asked looking at him incredulously. He didn't know how close he was. 

Steve shrugged, "Bucky and you are close. I thought Dot would accuse him of cheatin' on her with you- but thankfully that hasn't happened." He shot you a smirk.

You scoffed, downing the rest of your beer and standing. Steve stared at your ass as you moved back into the kitchen and grabbed the case from the fridge, he was sure you weren’t wearing anything under those shorts. He shifted a little.

"That bad huh?" He asked.

You dumped the case on the coffee table in front of the couch and dropped back onto the couch, your knee knocking into his thigh. "I don't understand it. I gave him everything. No commitment? No problem. He didn't want me seein' anyone else? Fine. I mean-"

"You deserve better than that Y/N," Steve cut in, not mentioning he had caught the fact that the guy in question didn't want you seeing anyone- but that left the fact that he could. “Sharon decided she wanted to go further in her career, which means taking a job not here-” he sighed heavily. It wasn’t that he wanted to break up, neither did she, but long distance? They both knew right now wouldn’t work and so the decision had been made a couple weeks ago. Which left him alone and being lonely sucked. 

“I’m so sorry,” you hummed, hand falling on his knee. 

He sucked on his teeth, grabbing your hand, “back to you, you deserve better than that and if Bucky knew as your best friend he should take care of that."

You nodded, keeping a straight face, "it's just- he goes and says he is gonna stay and then nothing. He's gone. I haven't heard so much as a peep from him for a month and a half!!" You frowned, you had seen him though. At the compound, Dot wrapped around him, literally draping herself on him and glaring at every female within sight. 

"You should find someone better," Steve said staring at your hand in his, lacing his fingers with yours. 

"Someone better?" You asked tilting your head and sighing. "I don't know about that." You laughed pressing your forehead to his shoulder, eyes closing. "I don't know if there is anyone better, unless you're available?" 

It was a joke. 

You didn't know what or how to feel. You and Bucky? Impossible. Dot had been there for him through tough times, he couldn't just leave her. She was it for him and you understood that. You and Bucky, it was just a fling, it wasn't serious. There weren't any feelings, just a way to get out some frustration, a way to distract yourself from the boring life you had fallen into. 

There weren't any feelings, it was all about the physical.

So, why did this hurt so bad?

Steve heard the laugh in your voice. He might have drank too much or maybe not enough, he didn't think about it though, turning his head he caught your lips with his, free hand cupping your jaw. 

You were surprised, Steve didn't know about you and Bucky, no one did. Still, this was nice, oh so nice. Steve was warm and solid, lips moving along yours. He tugged you forwards, closer, you moved easily, straddling him and wrapping your hands around his neck as his own hands slid up your tee. 

There was no thinking.

Just  _ feeling _ .

Feeling… feeling his lips under yours, his tongue slipping along yours, his hands gripping your waist.. Breath mingling with yours.

No thoughts, no thinking,  _ just feeling _ .

There was something vaguely familiar about this.

You shivered as he rolled his hips up, his already hard member pressing into you through your clothing, tongue slipping along your lips and you opened for him, your own hips circling and driving down. Heat flaring through you at the feel of him under your hands.

The whimper that caught at the back of his throat made you smile, his large hands slipping down your spine and further, past the hem of your shorts and cupping your ass, encouraging you to drive down into his lap. 

Steve smiled as he found you wore no panties under those barely there shorts, he had been right about that. It only made him want you more as you rocked your hips into his. He trailed kisses down your jaw, neck and he pulled your tee up and off, nudging your bra aside and groaning as he wrapped his lips around your breast.

Steve liked the way you moved into him, your fingers scratching against his scalp as you pulled him closer, moaning softly. The way your breath caught as his tongue swirled around your nipple, teeth nipping, tongue swiping once more, soothing the bite.

He liked the noise you made as he pressed you onto your back, the way you watched him hungrily as he stripped his shirt off and got rid of his pants. Steve liked the way you felt as he pushed your shorts aside and sank into you. The way your breath paused on his lips as he held still, your small hands on his biceps, taking in the feel of your tight cunt wrapped around his hot throbbing cock. Steve liked the way your eyes slid shut as he pulled out, only to thrust back in, your breath mingling with his as he leaned down closing his lips back over yours, swallowing those delicious little cries. 

"Steve, fuck...ngh, y-yes!" 

He liked the way your nails raked down his back, the way your breasts bounced with every thrust, the feel of your legs tightening around his waist as he buried himself inside you. "Y/N… fuck!" He growled as you took his cock like you had been made for him, he smiled as he hit your sweet spot, your mouth falling open in a silent cry, eyes rolling back as your fingers dug into his shoulders. "Y/N, fuck, you feel so good baby,” need drove him deeper, teeth sinking into the flesh where your shoulder and neck met. Steve liked the way you arched into him, exposing your neck to him, hands tugging him closer.

"Fuck Steve!" You tried to hold out, then his thumb circled around your clit, once, twice… you caught the sight of his cocky grin as he fucked into you hard and you screamed his name, the coil snapping deep inside of you as he jerked you up into him. Hips rolling against yours, you swore he was buried so deep inside of you… 

Steve came as your walls clamped down on him, still he drove into you. He kept going until he could feel you tightening again, he liked knowing he had filled you up completely, driven you over the edge and now here you were again, writhing under him, crying out  _ his _ name. Fuck, he drove in hard, he needed you to come again and he groaned loudly as you did. You felt so good, tight and hot, pulsing around him with little aftershocks, Steve pumped into you sloppily, losing rhythm until he came with one last thrust buried deep inside of you.

You made space on the couch as Steve pulled out of you, grabbing his shirt to wipe you clean quickly and then fell behind you, strong arms wrapping around you, breath against the back of your neck.

He noticed the way you tensed, "would you really prefer it if I left now or is that just what he got you used to?" When you gave no answer he pressed his lips to the back of your neck. "I would like to stay. I would like it if you didn't see other people and I promise there's no one else."

"Is that okay?" He asked quietly.

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. "Steve… what.. I can't promise…"

Steve chuckled, "its okay. I know when you're in love with someone it takes time to get over them. Is it okay if we try though?" He asked softly, pulling you closer.

You swallowed again, focusing on the feel of his warm body against yours. "Ok."

How did you let this happen? Was this okay? Sleep tugged at you and you let Steve snuggle closer. You hoped this was okay. God, you were such a fucking wreck, but so was Steve. So was the world.

You heard Steve’s phone ring as sleep dragged you under, as you turned and curled into Steve who was more than content to wrap himself around you, his warmth urging you further into sleep.

Fuck, this was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, apparently a follow up was needed. IDK, no plans for more, but I never know apparently.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had to happen, he would eventually find out. You realize what you could lose for being so wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW, SMUT, NO UNDER 18

Steve smirked as you shuffled into the kitchen, one sock halfway up your calf, the other bunched around your ankle. The bottom of his grey tee barely covering neon purple panties that barely covered your ass. Your hair was a complete mess, he was sure he was at fault for that, but he loved the moans that escaped you with every tug, so how was he really to blame?

You didn’t even have your eyes open, but somehow your hands reached out and perfectly found a mug, you reached out again and the coffee pot was in your hands. Three sips in and you registered his quiet chuckle. “Hm?” you peeked an eye open.

Steve stepped closer, his body pressing into yours, warming you further than any coffee could. He hummed as he knelt down slightly, nose nudging under your jaw till you tipped your head back and his lips found your skin, tongue sweeping out. “Better than coffee,” he said against your pulse, hands slipping down and gripping your thighs, pulling you into him.

“Breakfast?” 

Steve grinned as he hoisted you up onto the counter and pressing your legs open, “thank you.”

You giggled, setting your mug down as he knelt down between your legs. Your fingers shook as he caught your panties, pulling them to the side, coffee spilling on the counter next to you as his tongue slid up along your folds, your hands going into his hair. “S-Steveee-ahh!”

That was all it took, the way you gasped. Fuck, Steve had a hard time keeping his hands off you when the two of you were at the compound, so when he had you here, at your place, or at his, he took every opportunity he had to touch and kiss you to his satisfaction and he was hardly satisfied.

The way you tasted on his tongue, the dimple at the corner of your smile, your scent, the sound of your laugh. Steve growled, teeth nipping the inside of your thigh quickly as you made those breathy little noises that hadn’t failed to make him painfully hard to this day.

“Steve… I- mmn!!” you dug your nails into his broad shoulders, head clunking on the cabinet behind you.

“Go on, go on doll,” he urged you sinking two fingers into you, keeping you at the edge of the counter, tongue circling your clit as he thrust his fingers up into you.

“STEVE!!” 

Steve replaced his fingers with his cock in one swift move, dropping his forehead to yours as he felt you pulse around him, moving in and out of you slowly working your through your orgasm, slowly building the second. Hands slipping along your legs, guiding them around his waist. He smiled as your arms wrapped around his neck, head falling to his shoulder. 

He loved doing this to you before work. 

Work.

You had discussed this last night in bed, today he was meeting with Coulson and Stark. Today he was telling them the two of you were in a relationship. He groaned as he buried himself inside of you, he had only waited till you were sure, sure about him. About being with him.

He was patient and in no rush, no… rush… you whimpered as he slowed his movements. You responded so well to him, fingers tugging at his hair, a small plead leaving you as he pressed in filling you slowly, taking his time to feel you wrapped around him. 

“Steve!” you gasped as he kissed along your neck, “Steve please?!”

Yes, he loved doing this to you before work...

**

Bucky ran his hands through his hair impatiently, eyes tracking you as you made your way through the main floor, he knew your routine, had known your routine for sometime. He felt nervous. He huffed a laugh, shaking his head, only you could make him feel like some lovestruck teenager all over again.

He licked his lips as he waited, you were closer.

He had escaped Dot, rather she had a hair appointment he had decided she deserved. A day of pampering, all day, the works, he wanted to spoil his girl, let her know what she meant to him. And give him some time to himself, time that he could spend with you. 

The door popped open to your right, a hand catching your elbow and the floor disappeared from under your feet. First a yelp, then a bubble of laughter that quickly died when you looked up at who had jerked you through the door, your smile faltered as you felt your heart plunge into your stomach like a rock sinking in the ocean. 

An ocean that stared directly at you, “missed ya doll, you miss me?” Bucky watched as your smile disappeared, “look, I know I haven’t..” he shrugged, hand on the wall beside your head, eyes looking away as he searched for words. “Listen, call off, we can sneak back to that bedroom, spend the day together, I’ll make it up to you,” he promised turning back and leaning into you, hand trailing down your arm, skipping to your waist and pressing against your tummy.

His breath was warm on your lips, you sucked in a breath, the words slipped out fumbled together in a rush before you could second guess yourself, his hand on your tummy large and warm, you could feel it through the thin fabric of your blouse. You kept your eyes down, tongue swiping over your bottom lip quickly.

“What d’ya mean?” he asked, thick brows drawing together as confusion marked his features.

It had to happen, a month and a half you had gone without hearing from him. Instead you got to see him devote himself to Dot, watch as the blond ran off the other women that dared to look at him. “I mean-”

“I heard ya,” he took a step closer, you pressed back further into the wall behind you, turning your head to the side as he pressed into you. “What I wanna know is what you mean we are over?”

You swallowed, eyes burning, you had avoided him. You had managed it with the help of Dot, doing what she was doing, and using work as an excuse and keeping your head down. 

Steve, Steve had been there. Steve who came over, Steve who pulled you into his lap, wrapping strong arms around you. Lips pressing into your neck, whispering sweet words, Steve who stayed. Steve who woke in bed next to you, pulling the warm covers up and around the both of you, grumbling about five more minutes as his lips sought skin. Steve had been the constant in your life for the past three weeks. It was Steve who was talking to Coulson right now about the two of you.

“I-I’m seeing someone,” the words slipped out, a whisper, just barely audible. Your heart thundered in your ears, you were sure he could hear it. “Bucky-”

“Is that right?” he hummed, one hand slipping along your waist, thumb grazing under your blouse, fingers gripping the flesh there, auto memory kicking in. Nights of him grabbing you just like that to keep you in place as he-

“** _BUCKY!_ **” you pressed your hands against his chest, your body aching, screaming for him. You hated yourself. You wanted him, wanted to feel him, God you wanted to feel him…

Bucky felt it, the way you swayed into him, he skimmed his lips along your jaw, smiled as your fingers curled into his jacket. 

Steve talked the high heavens of you, after he had sent Steve over to check on you he had called, Bucky could tell he was partial to you. He was glad his best friend liked you. He needed that, needed to know Steve would be happy. The more he thought of it the more he needed you. Needed to hear your sighs as he moved into you, just like right now, you sighed as he pressed a thigh between your legs, your breath hitching in your throat as he pressed it up high, “you gonna say no to me?” he asked, voice low and thick with want. He watched as your teeth sank into your bottom lip, he dipped his head, lips soothing the bite.

You gasped as his metal hand caught the back of your neck, hard body shoving against yours, thigh pressing up firmly between your legs against your core, your hips grinding down automatically, warm fingers dipping into the back of your jeans. A whimper tearing up out of you as your body erupted in flames. Shame followed just behind them, this was wrong, you couldn’t do this… you couldn’t do this… 

It felt so good to have you back in his arms, he’d been busy with Dot, with missions while Steve took some time off, apparently he’d gotten a new girl. That didn’t matter, what mattered was he had you here, now, the little noises you made as he pressed you into the wall, deft fingers worked the buckle of your belt. “Missed ya doll,” he hummed, lips sweeping along your neck, pushing your button free, hands gripping your hips hard, “just wanna feel ya,” he hummed hands running up your blouse.

“STOP!” you cried, pushing him back, the surprise enough to give you a little space, enough to let you stumble away from him.

Bucky caught your arm, a growl escaping him. Why were you being impossible? This new guy? Some guy was gonna replace him? No way! Not when he finally had you within arms reach again, he wouldn’t let some guy make you think you belonged to anyone else but him. You were his, Bucky’s own escape, he needed you. Needed to feel you, hear you cry out his name! His name cause that’s how it worked, you said so, it was okay. You were there for him, even if he had to be with Dot. “Y/N!”

“IT’S STEVE OKAY?!”

Bucky jerked back, almost losing his grip on you, shock running through him.

The both of you looked over as the door he had dragged you through opened and Steve himself came through, pausing as you winced from the hold Bucky had on your arm. You swallowed the whimper, the fear that began clawing its way up your throat. Steve would know now. You could see it as he looked from you to Bucky. The way he paused, his eyes flickering to your arm in Bucky’s grip, your clothings disheveled state.

You hated yourself.

Steve stepped forwards slowly, carefully, pulling you from Bucky’s hold. “Been looking for ya.”

The emotions that churned in your stomach, Steve urged you behind him gently. “St-” his hand on your wrist made you snap your mouth shut. You quickly adjusted your pants, buckle back in place and guilt hit you so hard you were sure you’d drown in it.

“You talkin’ to me pal?” Bucky asked grinning. “W-we were having a discussion, got a little heated…”

You could feel your face heating up, lip quivering, how could he just… just pretend like that? Pretend he had not been about to shove you against the wall and… and… and you would have let him. Your head dropped forwards, nails digging into the skin of your palms. How could you? Steve was right here, for you. And all you had been thinking about had been Bucky, about having him on you, about what you would have let happen in mere seconds if Steve hadn’t come through that door.

Steve cocked his head to the side, “not you, my girl.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched, his eyes flickered to you and back to Steve’s when he stepped into his line of sight. “_ Your _ girl?”

Steve nodded, watching as a range of emotions crossed Bucky’s face. He felt your head pressed against his back, heard the stifled sob that escaped you. He had guessed, suspected when you hedged about who the guy was. There was really only one guy that you looked at.

Yet, now, after three weeks you looked at him. He saw when your eyes lit up as soon as he walked into your line of vision. The bags under your eyes had slowly disappeared and your laugh was more frequent and free. He loved feeding you fruit and pancakes at two am, the way your eyes scrunched up when you were pleased, how you felt when you fell asleep in his arms.

Steve wasn’t willing to give that up.

“Yeah, my girl.”

Bucky took a step forward, “listen Stevie, Y/N and I got some things to talk about.” He said reaching a hand out towards you. Stevie couldn’t be callin’ you his girl, you said… 

Steve stepped back, easily moving you backwards, returning the smile Bucky gave him, “sorry buddy, boyfriend trumps friend, gonna steal her away for the day. Ya know, couple things, by the way, pretty sure I spotted Dolores on my way here. Guess she didn’t want to do a spa day all by her lonesome.”

You gasped as Steve turned on his heel, arm wrapping around your waist and lifting you easily, long legs sweeping you through the door and before you knew it he was placing you on your feet. It was difficult to breathe, what had just happened? Did Steve really not know?? There was no way you were that lucky and even if you were it was time to come clean.

You needed him to know, he had gone to speak to Coulson and Stark!! He wanted a relationship with you, how could you pretend like that with Bucky never happened? Pretend like-

Steve was worried, he had carried you to the nearest elevator, was headed to one of Tony’s offices when he noticed the way you shook. Turning he cupped your face in his hands, worry turning into concern when your teeth chattered, “hey, hey, hey… what? Y/N, baby, calm down..”

“N-nnnoO! I got-got-gotta tell y-you-” you saw the worry in his face and it broke you. “** _I’M SORRY!_ **” you wailed, ugly tears breaking forth as you clutched at him. “Fuuuhhhck!” you cried as he caught you, your knees giving out at the thought of him not wanting you now. 

NOW.

Now you realized how much you cared about him. 

Steve was too good for you. He deserved better than someone who was willing to let another man touch them. Steve deserved someone that would only look at him, only think about him, not some guy that kept you on hold while he ran around with his number one.

You grasped at his shirt, “Please don’t hate me! I’m so sorry!! It was Bucky the whole time and if you don’t want me anymore I know!! I KNOW!! It was wrong, I know, but.. I didn’t-mnngh!” you couldn’t look at him, not when he was looking at you like that. There was so much you needed to say the words catching in your throat and when you opened your mouth another mournful noise left you.

Steve felt his heart break as you confessed, sobbing, “wait, shhh, slow down, Y/N, slow down baby.. It’s okay, its okay, I gotcha, I’m right here,” he swept you up into his arms where you curled into his chest.

God, you didn’t want him to leave you. You wanted to wake up with him wrapped around you, too hot under the covers, wanted the morning runs where he slowed to keep pace with you. You wanted to feel his fingers curled around your wrist, the way he dropped little kisses to your shoulder and the multiple touches throughout the day. The way he seemed to always gravitate towards you, as if he couldn’t help but be in contact with you, even if it just meant standing next to you during a meeting or looking over your shoulder at your desk.

You had been so excited this morning and you hadn’t even realized how fucking badly you wanted it, how badly you wanted him.

And you had gone and fucked it all up, before you even knew what you could have.

Steve kicked the door shut to the office tucked into the back of the floor, only two other offices on this floor, still he wanted to make sure no one was looking. The building was massive and employed plenty of Stark and SHIELD personnel, eyes that had lingered as he made his way past. Here was quiet, private, calm.

He was humming, voice low and smooth, strong arms wrapped around you, legs on either side of you, your head tucked under his chin. This was safe. You took in a slow breath, his cologne familiar, another breath, your racing heart slowed, the rushing sound in your ears subsiding allowed you to follow the sound of his voice. 

“I’m sorry.”

Steve paused, he didn’t move, yet you wrapped your arms around his thick bicep. “I knew, I mean, I didn’t know know, I suspected.” He sighed and you felt the tears fall with that deep sound, big fat tears that rolled off your cheeks and your chest hurt all over again. 

“I’m so sorry Steve, I should have.. I should have told you.”

He shook his head, “listen,” he shifted and you squirmed, burying your head against his chest. “Y/N, baby...if.. If you wanna be with him,” he sighed, “I wanna be the guy that says you can do what you want, but I’ma say that I ain’t lettin' ya go that easy.”

Steve let out a grunt as the top of your head connected with the bottom of his jaw. You scrambled as he groaned, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!!” you wrapped your hands over his and met his gaze, silence filling the space between the two of you. “You can’t want me… not after what I’ve done.”

Steve met your gaze, “tell me you don’t want me. Tell me to leave ya alone. If you really want me gone, I-I’ll do that for you.”

“NO!” you scrambled back into his lap, straddling his legs, chest heaving, barely taking note of his hands falling on your hips. “No, please, no… please don’t leave me??” You didn’t care if you sounded pathetic or desperate. You were, you wanted Steve, only Steve.

“Hey,” Steve tugged on you, lips meeting yours and you fell into him, teeth clashing, Steve huffed, yet he rolled his hips up into yours. You pulled back, both of you staring at the other for a moment.

Steve moved first, snagging the bottom of your blouse and tearing it up and off of you, your belt was next. You fell onto your back on the couch with a small unff with the slightest shove from him, laughter erupted from you as he tore your boots off, pants following. It took him seconds to discard his shirt, pants shoved down far enough to let him bury himself inside of you. 

His mouth on yours, large hands grasping at your hips, lifting you into each deep thrust. Steve lost himself, he lost himself inside of you, with each mewl that escaped your lips every whimper, gasp and cry of his name. Both of you desperate for the other, trying to convey your feelings with every kiss, touch, breath. 

Steve watched as you came undone beneath him, driving you into another moments after, your mouth falling open as you arched into him, eyes closing in bliss as you held onto his for dear life as you tumbled over the edge. Steve loved feeling your walls clamp down on him, your slick coating his cock as he drove into you thrusts sloppier with every second, the groan that escaped him reverberating through the office as he came deep inside you.

Steve hummed, slowly pulling out, lips meeting yours softly. You mimicked his hum, letting him slip under you, shifting till you laid atop him, head on his chest. His hand in your hair, fingers massaging at the base of your skull. “Tell me you want me.”

“I want you.”

“Only me?”

You lifted your head, “only you Steve.”

Blue eyes searched your gaze, expression soft, “we all have a past Y/N, I am under no illusion that you are some saint. I pray you don’t think that I don’t come with mistakes, cause… have you met me?” 

You dropped your chin to his chest, face scrunching as you tried to keep from giggling. Practically purring as he dropped both his hands to your lower back, kneading gently. “I want more.”

“More?”

You laughed as he rolled his hips up into yours, “not- well more of that, but… I want Sunday brunch with you. I want… vacations. More. I don’t wanna lose you. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“You won’t, not that easily, I’m kinda stubborn.” Steve ran his hands up your spine, enjoying the way you curved into him, “do you hate yourself?” 

You took a breath, “kinda. What I did with Bucky, he’s got a girl, and I didn’t care.”

“You wanted to be loved, there’s nothing wrong with that. Bucky was wrong, to expect you to be there at his beck and call, to keep you like some secret.” 

“I really let that happen huh?”

Steve tugged you closer at the sound of despair in your voice. “Now ya got me. You don’t need to worry about it anymore okay?”

You yawned, nodding against his chest. “Promise?”

Steve chuckled at your quiet in query, “with a cherry on top.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to move on, to get back to what love originally felt like, what it felt to be right, to be good... It doesn't always work out the way you planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: SMUT, NO UNDER 18, SEXY PARTY, bad decisions, cheating, bad thoughts. THIS IS ME WARNING YOU. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!!

Even though you don't know… you  _ know _ . It's in the little things. 

Meetings being scheduled late in the evenings. Dinner being canceled. Laying in bed alone till you hear the front door open and quickly close your eyes. 

A woman  _ knows _ , if you pay attention enough.

Yet, sometimes… you don't want to know.

Times when you think of how you two became one. How he was completely hurt, beyond reach, how Steve was worried day and night. How he looked at you, how he flinched when you touched his metallic arm, how he stared when you didn't. 

Dot had never thought anything of it, and talking was easy when the other didn't talk much. She helped his physical therapist and he was good, her boss was good. Maybe sometimes his hand slipped and he'd apologize for the way it lingered a little too long, or apologize for brushin' up against her. 

No one saw. Definitely not the mute with the long dark greasy hair. The guy that Steve Rogers had gone through hell and back for. The one that just sat there as they went through his therapy.

And what a surprise when her boss...wasn't so good one day. When he pushed her up against the wall and brushed up too close to her. Who was gonna say anything? The mute? The guy that didn't say anything?

But he did. 

He moved and he had plenty to say to her boss. And not just with his words. 

So, Dot tried not to notice when she knew. Cause if she was gonna be honest with herself...if she knew what she knew… she wasn't sure she could survive that knowledge. 

Still, looking at her reflection in the mirror she could hear the party outside, people talkin', laughing, dancing and singing. 

And here she was, someone she didn't recognize. 

She had never been possessive before, never been one to be jealous. If a man was with her, it was cause he wanted to be with her. If he had straying eyes then she let him go to follow their path. It's just… different with Bucky. She wanted it to be different, he would tell her if he was done with her, he wouldn't stay just to stay. They had something between them, something that was a story of the ages. 

Maybe she was kidding herself, straightening, she squared her shoulders and fixed her lipstick, bright red, she liked the sleek black dress that clung to her, it was his favorite. Dot shook her head to shoo away the memory of his face when he first saw her in it, now- now he hadn't even hummed at her.

Looking into the mirror she smiled as Natasha walked in, the red head smiling back politely. 

"Finally back?"

Natasha nodded, "just in time for the party. You look… nice."

Dot took in a breath, her smile faltering, she knew Natasha was one of Bucky's best friends. As close, if not closer, than Steve. "Gotta look good for my guy."

Natasha nodded, expression neutral. "Glad things are good between you two."

Dot swallowed looking away. A woman knew. "Yeah, hey! See you out there!"

Natasha watched after her, lips pursed tightly together. Dot wasn't the idiot she had thought her to be. 

**

Bucky wasn't sure when it happened. 

It wasn't something he had decided. It kinda faded, he guessed that was the only way he could explain it. It faded. 

Dot faded.

And you… you were this bright, focused, image. He could see every detail, even the ones that other people couldn't see, he could see. 

He was certain of that. Steve couldn't see you the way he could. Bucky was certain of that. He just had to make you see. Make you understand that it was you, you and him. He needed you, Dot was… Dot was gonna be alright without him. He loved Dot, he did… he looked around, where had she gone? 

Bucky sighed, dragging a hand down his face, he should love her. He remembered being in love with her. When had that gone away?

Laughter spilled through the air, he  _ knew _ that laughter, God he knew your laughter and he turned slowly. There  _ you _ were. His girl. Only.. You weren't his girl. Not anymore. 

How had it come to this? Steve was a great guy.  _ The _ best guy. Steve held you tightly to him, Clint and Sam on either side, both men smirking at you, obviously flirting and talking shit. He should be there. 

Bucky stood.

"Bucky?"

He turned, feeling her arm on his shoulder, "Dot."

She swallowed, eyes following his line of sight. There you were. Steve's eyes closing as you laughed, leaning into his frame, head falling on his chest. Looking back at Bucky she swallowed and wrapped her arm around his.

"Dot-"

"Not right now."

It surprised Bucky, the way she spoke so quietly but clearly enough to be heard over the crowd. 

"She's not your girl Buck, I am."

Bucky looked away. He wondered- he should have known she would know. Dot wasn't stupid, not even when he wanted her to be. 

"I'm your girl," she smiled up at him, it wavered and he slid his arm around her waist. "For tonight," she whispered softly, "I know and it's okay, but can we-?" Her breath hitched as she could feel the burn behind her eyelids. How embarrassing, begging for him to look at her, begging for him to remember her, begging for just one more night. 

"Wanna dance doll?"

Dot laughed, laughed the tears away.

Bucky stared at her. When had he stopped looking at her? His Dot. She knew him. Blond hair pulled back, spilling in curls from the tie at the back of her head. She was wearing that perfume he liked, she always smelled so good. Blue eyes wide, tinged in red, nose slightly red too, lips colored dark. The dress she wore, tight at her waist and accentuating all her curves. 

Had she lost weight? "Feeling alright?" He asked quietly, pulling her close as he led her around the dance floor without thinking. Bucky grew up dancing, he had always loved dancing, remembered dragging Dot into his arms when she first moved in with him. They had danced all night, he had danced her right into their bed.

She stared at his chest for a moment. This felt familiar, looking up she met his gaze, he was watching her. "I'm always alright James," she answered with a smile. Smile. Smile so that it didn't hurt so much. Dot always smiled.

That look hurt. 

Bucky had seen that look before. He remembered the man she had worked for, he hadn't ever said anything, he hadn't cared. She never said no. It wasn't until he had seen the man push her against the wall, no man should ever touch a woman like that. " _ JAMES! I'M ALRIGHT! LOOK! STOP! PLEASE DON'T!! I'M ALRIGHT!! _ " She had cried, begging him to stop, and he had- it had been the first time she'd said his name. He stopped beating on that man, swept her up and called Steve and Sharon. He hadn't known what else to do.

" _ What's your name _ ?"

Big blue eyes had looked at him, her make up smeared from her tears and she had smiled, " _ Dolores, but call me Dot _ ."

When had he stopped looking at her?

"I want you to be better than alright."

She smiled brightly, "yeah?" He nodded, swallowing hard. "Then I am better than alright, just for tonight, cause I am in the arms of my man!"

Bucky didn't deserve her. 

**

Steve nipped at your ear. 

Clint rolling his eyes, "it's like you two can't wait to be in a room all alone, but this isn't a room where you're by yourselves so try to behave!"

"He's just jealous, cause that girl in ammunitions already agreed to come with someone better."

You smirked, "who?"

"Me!" Sam clapped Clint on the shoulder. "Which reminds me, I need to steal my date back from her friends…"

"Have fun!!" You called after him. 

"Ready?" Steve asked. You looked at him with brows raised, "time to dance."

You gave Clint a look and he waved a hand pointing at Natasha as she was headed towards you, she smiled as Steve tugged you past her.

It was easy, Steve made it so very easy and everyday you could feel it, the ache was going away. You didn't look for him, didn't think about him as much.

Instead it was Steve, since that day it was only Steve. His touch calmed your soul, his kisses swept away the darkness and you were certain you walked on fucking clouds all day.

Steve made you feel as if you were the only one he saw, and that was powerful indeed.

"Can I cut in?"

Steve laughed tugging you in close, both of you looking over at who spoke. You felt your heart still, jumping slightly when Steve said- "Sharon!"

She smiled, bright, blinding; her gaze only on Steve. "It's been sometime stranger, is it okay?"

You nodded stiffly pulling yourself from Steve's grasp as he stared at her, his gaze on her, you felt sick. A small noise escaped you as Steve caught your wrist, dragging you back into his arms, "Steve-"

Baby blue eyes met your gaze, "gonna find you so don't go giving my dances to everyone else."

You nodded. It was all you could do. Sharon was back. She was back and he had already stared. 

"Hey," his gaze flicked to the blond that looked away before he caught your face in his hands. "I love you," he hummed, lips meeting yours. 

You nodded, "l-love you…"

Steve chuckled, "ten minutes. You are mine, got it?"

You stepped away, a little dizzy. He did that. Right in front of her. Did he do that? You glanced over your shoulder, at the edge of the crowd. Baby blue eyes tracked your movement as Sharon spoke to him, the corner of his lips tugged upwards as he met your gaze. 

He loved you.

You needed air. 

**

Bucky had been watching, not on purpose. Not intentionally, mostly you were in his peripheral. Like keeping the exits in his sight at all times. 

"Doll, gotta… bathroom. Get us a couple drinks and I'll be right back." He dipped down, lips meeting her cheek quickly as he set towards the bathrooms. 

Once he made it to that corridor, he could dip out the side door and he did. There were a few people out there, and there you were, leaning against the balcony. He stood there for a moment, deep blue eyes slipping down your body, he remembered every dip and curve, how you sighed when he kissed right there, a little moan escaping if he touched just there. 

He met your eyes and hurried forwards, easily corralling you towards the end, where there was a little more privacy.

"I jus-"

"Please don't do this!" Your hands fell on his chest, and he was certain it burned straight through his suit. This couldn’t happen, no, you refused to let this happen… 

He covered your hands with his, "let me say this-"

You shook your head, "no, no Bucky. There's nothing to say!" You gasped as he crowded you against the wall, his hard body pressing into yours. Steve. Steve, god if Steve saw you two like this… "Steve, I'm with Steve-"

Bucky chuckled coldly, you looked up at him finally, searching his face, his eyes. "What? Don't tell me ya didn't see the way he looked at her?" God, he didn't come here to say this, he just wanted- you pushed at him and it- God why wouldn't you just give him a second?!

His lips slid over yours, the cool metal of his hand catching your jaw and his other hand tugging you into him. You froze, hands on his chest, attempting to keep space between the two of you, his tongue swept along your lips seeking entrance and you nudged just enough to bite down harshly.

Bucky jerked away the moment it happened. "Fuck!" He growled as you shrank into the corner, hand over your mouth. "NO!" He hated the way you flinched, "tha-that's not…" he hated this. Whatever this was between the two of you. This wasn't who he was. "I love ya." The words hung in the cool night air, still you didn't move. "But… it's not right. It's unnatural. I wanted to… I wanted it to be a good thing. I did. Dot. She deserves better. I'm gonna be better for her… if she," he turned away from you, dragging a hand through his hair. "I gotta get away from ya, I want you to be happy Y/N. Just be happy."

Just be happy. “Is that really what you want?” you asked, you should keep quiet, you watched as his shoulders rose and fell. “Bucky?” he was frustrated, he was trying to do the right thing.

“I miss talkin’ with ya,” he said, “I miss having you beside me,” he turned to look at you, the regret you saw in his eyes- “I never wanted to hurt you.” He moved back towards you, slow measured movements, giving you time to back away or deny him. His hand was warm on your cheek, “Y/N, I really do love you…”

**

Steve felt lighter. Sharon was happy for him, she was here for work and that was all. There was nothing more to it than that.

"I hope she knows just what she's got," she winked at him, punching him slightly on the shoulder. Steve grinned nodding. A quick chaste kiss to his cheek and she was dragging Tony out onto the dance floor.

He had seen you headed towards the balcony, he flinched as a shoulder caught his and stopped as Bucky caught himself. 

Both men staring at the other. "Been a minute."

Steve nodded, tongue flicking out as he glanced towards the darkness outside. Just like Tony to have a dark place for others to sneak off to. 

"Make her happy, I…" Steve looked back at his friend, "I want her to be happy and with you.." Steve nodded. "Anyways, if Dot agrees, I'm thinking about the West Coast. Need ta get my head right, I.." He struggled, he wanted to get something right. "I did love her Steve. I didn't mean to hurt her."

"I got her," Steve answered as Bucky gave him that imploring look.

Bucky grinned, a hand going through his hair, "yeah, ya do."

Steve watched as his oldest friend turned and walked away. There was always another day, another day when aches could be mended and that would take time. Another day. They had been friends this long, there was nothing they couldn’t work through. 

Another day.

** 

You stared at his back, you had done it. You did it. God you had been scared, fear had frozen you as he pressed into you, lips molding to yours and it wasn't till his tongue slid along your lips that you were able to move. 

And it hadn't been much. Just a bite. But you'd done it. 

He wanted you to be happy. 

You stayed there, hand over your mouth, unable to move even after he walked away. 

_ “Y/N, I really do love you…” you stilled as he leaned down, his thumb pressing your chin up, tilting your head back, his lips meeting yours softly, tenderly, so much like before. The kiss deepened, his tongue slipping over your bottom lip to slip and caress yours, his hands moving down your torso to catch at your dress. You shoved at him, he smiled against your lips, sucking your bottom lips between his teeth as he jerked your dress up, fingers slipping into your panties tugging them down and off you as hands caught at your thighs, lifting you and grinding his hips against yours. “Doll, fuck, want you, miss you so much!” he growled as you shoved at his shoulders, your hips tilting into his.  _

_ You couldn’t breathe, you gasped as he dipped his head under your chin, lips rough against his neck, this was wrong, you gasped as his fingers dipped between your legs, slipped into you and he turned you around so quickly your head spun. Your eyes flickered around the darkness, gasped as he thrust into you, breath hard and heavy against the back of your neck as he sank completely into you. You reached back, catching long dark locks of hair and tugging harshly, you could make him hurt, and it made you smirk as he hissed into your ear, teeth sinking into the shell of your ear. _

_ “Fuck, fuck, you feel so good Y/N,” he growled, tongue lapping at your lobe as he drove back into you, “so tight..so good for me doll. Fuck, missed your wet pussy so much.” _

_ “Bucky!” you gasped out as his fingers dug into your hips, “we can’t-” _

_ He pulled out and drove back into you, grunting softly in your ear as he pulled you into each thrust, one hand slipping around your neck, just tight enough, tight like the coil in your belly, tight like your cunt wrapped around his cock as he fucked into you from behind. _

_ You held onto the balcony, praying to god no one saw. Of course it was private enough out here, dark enough, Tony had made it like that for reasons, he had been a fuck boy and he was adamant people needed privacy at times often making the decoration part of their hide aways so that people could have a little raunchy fun. And you thanked god as guilt ripped through you, your hips moving of their own accord, back into Bucky’s thrusts, both of you swallowing any whimpers or moans, biting down on your bottom lip as he deepened his thrusts, driving hard and fast, desperate.  _

_ “Bucky.. W-we need to s-stop!” you shook your head as you felt it, your orgasm building, tightening around his cock as it washed over you, walls clenching down on him, NO! God this wasn’t what you wanted, this wasn’t what you wanted and still your knees shook and you tilted your head so that his lips could slide along your neck. Bucky leaned forwards, chest to your back, groaning low in his throat as he fucked up into you a few more sloppy times before you felt him come deep inside of you.  _

_ You swallowed as he slipped out of you, turning you and crashing his lips over yours as he adjusted your dress, smirking as he tucked your panties into his pocket. “I knew you loved me,” he hummed, dropping his forehead to yours. _

_ “I love Steve.” _

_ Bucky frowned, “I love Dolores.” _

_ “Bucky… this can’t happen again.” _

_ He nodded, pressing into you, mouth seeking yours. “Course not doll.” _

You flinched as hands wrapped around your upper arms. 

"Hey-"

"Ngh!" You flung your arms around Steve, burying your face in his chest.

"Hey, shhh, hey…" Steve wasn't sure what it was, but it had to be Bucky. "What?"

"Can we… I wanna go."

Steve nodded, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, walking you past the crowd. 

**

"Dot."

She smiled, shaking her head. "It's been a night, Bucko," she sighed straightening his jacket. "Thank you. For just tonight. Tomorrow, we can deal with everything else tomorrow."

"Come away with me." She stared up at him and Bucky remembered how he had loved that look on her face. "We can go away, Tony has a place-"

"Tony has a place anywhere."

Bucky gripped her hands in his, "but, I want you there with me."

Dot stared at his chest. "Me?"

"If it's not too late."

He hadn't realised until she smiled up at him, he hadn't realized how he held his breath, how time had stopped and it came crashing in on him.

Dot squeaked as he lifted her, twirling her around. He was gonna be good, he'd be the man she deserved. He just needed a little help, a little help from you every here and there. You made him better for Dot. 

**

"Did Buck-"

"He said he wants me to be happy."

Steve sat on the edge of the couch, reaching up and running his thumb over your cheek. "Thought he might've done something."

You looked at him, "he kissed me." Steve sucked in a breath and you stepped closer, "I bit him."

"You BIT him?!" Steve barked out a laugh, tugging you close. "You bit him."

"You're not mad?"

Steve leaned forwards, pressing his lips over yours, "let me erase the memory of his lips by replacing them with mine."

Your heart thundered in your ears. His hand slipping along your neck to bury itself in your hair at the base of your neck, the kiss heating and igniting every last nerve in your body. 

By the time he pulled away you could hardly breathe and you swayed into him. 

Steve chuckled as you hummed, "what was that?"

"Mmn, you should… maybe do that again?"

Steve chuckled as he pressed his lips to yours, pulled back when you let out a whimper. “Baby?”

“It’s just… been a long night… I didn’t… expect that to happen.”

Steve chewed on his bottom lip, studied your face as you looked anywhere but at him. “How bout, you get showered and we get to bed? I need to send a few emails and I’ll join ya in a few?”

“GOD YES,” you sighed, pulling away. “Steve?” he turned around, tie half undone. “I-I… I really love you.”

He grinned, “love you more.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT, BAD CHOICES, SEX, dubcon (if yous squint?) Rough sex

' _ Morning beautiful, I love you _ .'

You stared at the text, sunlight barely spilling through the curtains, the room cool. You couldn't do this anymore, you would have to tell him once you got back. You knew it would end the life you had been living but god, this life… it was so wrong. Your face burned, you felt the guilt building, it made a home in your gut, weighing down your heart.

Cool metal slid around your waist, he hummed lips pressing against your neck, leg slipping between yours as he pressed up into you slowly, "gonna text him back?" He asked pressing your leg up with his to press closer to where he wanted.

Your fingers trembled, a little moan slipping out as he filled you, metal fingers slipping between your legs, stroking up and down your folds, running circles along your clit.

Bucky chuckled as he pressed into you, as your head fell back onto his shoulder and you sighed softly, just the way he loved it. The way your eyes closed, your mouth falling open and how you pressed back into him, back arching. 

He kissed his way up your shoulder, nibbling along your jaw till you turned and met his kisses. He loved how you moaned his name, a prayer, revenant, with a kind of love that he couldn't let go of just yet. Not after what happened at the party, not after getting you back, not after meeting you over and over again in the following months. Pretending that this wasn't happening. You going back to Steve, he back to Dot. You needed him as much as he needed you, both of you seeking the other out and every time you said it was the last time, no more, this was wrong. 

How could it be wrong if you both sought the other out?

No, Bucky couldn't let go of you, not yet, not ever...

**

Steve knew that you had thrown yourself into work since the party. You stayed late and did extra, learning new things.

He hadn't thought it possible, but Bucky and Dot were looking at houses. She had decided it was ridiculous to move cross country, assured him she loved him and Bucky only had eyes for her.

They had begun dating again, Bucky stopped going on as many missions to make himself more available to her and both Y/N and he had been cordial with the other. Even acting friendly, whatever had been between the two of you was over and it was as if you could breathe again. Everything was falling into place. 

Especially after you had just agreed to move in with him. Since you had slept over his place more often. It was his favorite, waking up with you in his bed, watching you sleep before he headed out on his morning run. 

Sharing coffee with you, kissing you first thing in the morning, burying himself inside you bent over the kitchen counter, hips writhing in his hands, hearing the way you gasped his name.

Steve was in love and he needed to ask you a question. And everyday that passed without asking you that question made it more unbearable. 

It was the right thing to do. 

It was time. Steve whistled as he made his way to your office, the place was bustling as always and when he asked for you the young woman that worked with you said you would be back in five as you had gone off to deliver a few files.

**

"Bucky!" You pushed at his hands as he slid them up along the back of your thighs, gripping as he pressed a knee between your legs, rucking your skirt up further as you felt his length against your core, his mouth latched to the top of your breast, face hidden by the fabric of your blouse. 

It made it easier, skirt and blouse, when he would catch you around the compound. Easier to push aside the fabric, push the lace fabric of your panties aside, fingers slipping along your folds as he hummed your name, pushing into you as he did now, his wide girth making you gasp as he pushed you into the wall of the office.

Your tight warm cunt around his cock always made him curse as he pulled out and thrust back in. "Bucky!" You wrapped your arms around his neck as he shoved your bra aside, lips attaching to your breast as he fucked you, making you arch into him, head falling back as he continued warm tongue circling around your nipple teeth lightly scraping before he wrapped his lips around it again. Fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs as he thrust deeper into you, your forehead falling to his broad shoulder at the feel of his cock filling you, stretching you, "there ya go, thats it doll, take me deeper," he rasped, voice low and sending thrills throughout you. 

You wrapped your legs around his waist with his help, gasping and moaning as he filled you over and over, his own moans pushing you closer to your orgasm. "Fuck baby," he moaned teeth sinking into the flesh of your breast, you smacked him elliciting a laugh as he thrust in hard, your ass clapping against the wall he had pinned you to, "I know, no marks!" He chuckled, "ungh, you're so tight!" He groaned, "where are you?"

You bit his earlobe in retaliation, "almost! K-keep going!" You gasped, fingers tugging at his locks, pulling him back in; wanting, needing, his lips back on you.

Bucky grinned, licking along your neck before chomping down on your ear and driving into you harder and faster. You cried out as his thumb found your clit and you came, walls clamping down on his cock as he lost his own rhythm, a string of curses escaping him as he came buried deep inside of you. 

"We can't keep doing this," you said as you hung limp in his arms.

Bucky hummed, easily moving you to the desk, hips moving lazily as he hardened inside you yet again. "You keep saying that…"

"We can't!" You cried even as you lifted your hips to take him deeper. 

"I love fucking you like this though," he groaned already feeling you tighten around him, "you cum so hard, coat my dick so good baby," he leaned down, taking your mouth with his, pulling your legs around his waist and dragging you into each hard thrust of his hips, "he cant fuck you like I do," he moaned into your ear. 

You hit him, it shocked him enough to stop him for a moment. "Bucky-" 

He shook his head at you before catching your wrists in his large hands and pinning them to the desk above you and fucked into you. "Doll, we keep doing this," he grunted as you struggled against him, "we fuck till we argue, your cunt is so tight, and then we do it all over again till I cum deep inside ya like ya live it." 

"Bucky!" You gasped as your orgasm ripped through you, eyes screwing tight as he kept going, hips rolling into yours till he followed. Your legs shook, chest heaving as he sprawled atop you momentarily. You pulled your hands free of his now loose grip, shoving at his shoulders. "This is all it is. It's not love Bucky." 

He pulled back, carefully pulling out of you, both of you cleaning up in the ensuing silence. "Y/N," you looked up, the last button of your blouse in place, slipping your feet back into your flats. "Y/N, it's not love? You don't love me?" He asked stepping in close, hands catching your face pressing between your legs. "You still think this isn't love?"

You could see the darker bit of blues in his eyes as he searched yours. "Bucky-"

He didn't want to hear it, no, so he leaned in slanting his lips over yours. Neither of you heard the door open.

"Y/N? Bucky?" that look of disbelief-

“Steve?” you shoved at Bucky as he stepped back, stepping back out of the doorway as Bucky pressed against you, trapping you, “BUCKY, MOVE!!”

He shook his head as Steve disappeared. “Nahh, doll, this is better. This is best, let him go.”

“NO!” you growled shoving at him, you broke free and took a single step before Bucky wrapped an arm around your waist, lifting you off the floor. “NO!! BUCKY!” you couldn’t breathe, heart clenching down as you felt the world closing in around you, time seemed to slow. You kicked against Bucky but knew, Steve was long gone. 

Not like this. 

You couldn’t lose him like this.

This was wrong.


End file.
